Maybe 2021 will be better?

Different president?

Vaccines?

Maybe go out? See people?


Too much dark now and it will be colder and darker before it gets warmer and lighter again. But warmer and lighter come back, always.

Maybe?

We are all damaged in some way.
We are all perfect in every way.

Perfectly ourselves, and the images of what we are told to look like/be like are just ways to make us buy things, but we can choose. We can choose what we want to buy and read and listen to, without thinking that without these bought things, we are not enough.

And we don't need to be ideologically consistent all the time. I can understand that the bodies I see in advertisements are a combination of genetics and photoshopped lies, that I will never look anything like that, and still choose to lose weight to feel better, and not just healthier, but happier with what I see in the mirror. Both can be true. I can wear makeup or not wear it. I can choose to be lazy some days, and work hard on other days, and I am not a better person on my hard-work days or a bad one on my lazy days. I can allow myself to be grumpy, and still be kind by not letting my grumpiness hurt other people.

We can choose, and we can try, and we can fail, and we can succeed, because we don't need to be perfect, we already are.

I used to want to be perfect. Fuck that. I'm committed to stalking serenity and finding it and making it a best friend and daily companion. I will blame those that deserve it, but at the same time shun bitterness as much as I can.

The key to this program's success is living in a two-story house with an attic. Here's how it works:

Start downstairs. Realize something you need/want is upstairs.
Run up stairs.
Once upstairs, find something that really should be downstairs.
Run down stairs.
Put object you found away. Realize the thing you originally went upstairs to get is still upstairs.
Run up stairs.
Get distracted. Clean something, or make the bed, or get sucked into the gaping maw of the internet. Get hungry.
Run down stairs.
Realize original thing you needed/wanted is still upstairs. Facepalm.
Run up stairs.
Find original item. Find something else that belongs downstairs.
Run downstairs.
Hear phone ringing. Realize you left phone upstairs.
Run upstairs.
Answer phone. Put down items you had in your hands when you ran upstairs to answer the phone. Hang up on telemarketer. Convey feelings via profanity (optional).
Run back downstairs, because you're still hungry. Stand in front of refrigerator for a few minutes.
Make and eat lunch (optional).
Where's that thing I wanted earlier? Oh, right, it's still upstairs.
Run up stairs.
Go into a different room than the one where you answered the phone. Forget why you came upstairs.
Run down stairs.
Repeat.

Bonus round: Realize thing you wanted is actually in the attic!
Run up stairs, run up second flight of stairs.

Repeat until day is over, substituting dinner for lunch (probably not optional by this point).

I've written an essay about depression, and my experience of it. It's here.

I may start posting on Dreamwidth and crossposting to Livejournal. I'll let you know,and ask for your DW account names, if and when I do. This is just a test to see if I've got it set up correctly.